Episode 2: How To Handle Unresolved Conflict

Welcome!

This LIVE Show & Podcast is right for you if:

- if you're newly married
- if you want to grow in your marriage relationship
- if you want to keep Jesus at the center of your marriage
- if you want to grow in holiness with your spouse
- if you're not sure how to handle the upcoming holidays with two families
- if you're figuring out who takes out the trash
- if you're finding you aren't a fan of conflict when you can't leave the house after the argument
- if you feel like you aren't a good wife
- if you feel like he's not a good husband
- if you feel distant
- and so so so many more, ya'll let's be honest, if you're married, this is probably for you :)

To explain why we’re doing this, let me tell you a story. For every wedding, we arrive before they have their First Look or First Prayer, so that we can pray over the bride and groom individually. Honestly, THAT is the most important part of the wedding day for us because we are able to intimately impact their marriage.

We pray over him and say, “Dear Jesus, we ask that you lead this man and guide him to grow into the leader of his family as he leans on you. When he sees her today, Lord, we ask that he see you, and that he know LOVE, deep LOVE fully and truly is in her because it comes from you.”

We pray over her and say, “Dear Jesus, we ask that you lead this gal and guide her to grow into the helpmate and equal to her groom. We ask that you guide her and help her to lean on you as she leans on her groom. When she sees him today, Lord, we ask that she see you, and that she know LOVE, deep LOVE fully and truly is in him because it comes from you.”

My heart is in love with weddings because it’s in love with couples pursuing Christ. On wedding days, I stand behind the camera but I stand beside the couple as they make their covenant. Every day past their wedding, those prayers begin to be answered, and I want to be with you to continue to pray, and continue to guide, and continue to stand beside.

Episode 2 - How To Handle Unresolved Conflict

Let’s GO!

Have you gone through a season of hurt with your spouse? Are you holding onto a grudge? Searching for a break in the midst of frustration? In today's episode, Sinikka shares her powerful story of bitterness and healing after tackling household chores by herself.

Welcome to The Soul Family LIVE Show & Podcast!

I am SO pumped to be back here and cannot believe it’s already been a week. After 1 day, I was ready to pop back online and get another episode rolling, ya’ll were ready to GO! But definitely thankful that we didn’t because Jesus took the week to give me some clarity on what we need to talk about today - conflict.

No one likes that word.

We actually avoid it as much as possible and we hold onto hurts like notecards in our back pocket.

But ya’ll, we are here for the long haul - and that means showing up for hard conversations, so today, we’re bringing out the big guns for one of the worst types in marriage - unspoken conflict.

Let me tell you a story that started with a paper-covered printer, I noticed the papers were stacking up and I noticed that he didn’t notice. I have acute attention to detail in my house. I literally labeled & organized all our documents, labels for day, ya’ll. He doesn’t have as much of acute attention to detail in our home, and it doesn’t bother him until clutter starts to really impact living life in our home, like the dishes pile up super high or clothes are strewn around the closet that you can’t find a shirt.

So I took that pile of papers upon myself - I had a few hours completely free & knew it was time to organize those papers while he was at work. I organized everything, and when he came back, I asked him to sign one slip of paper… it felt like he was the CEO and I was the secretary & after we realized that, neither of us liked it. He didn’t like he wasn’t here to help. I didn’t like that I did it all myself. So I let that feeling fester during the day and naturally it impacted my thoughts towards him. Those thoughts went from annoyed to bitter to angry to resentful real quick, and then a sweet friend of mine broke through the veil of frustration & helped me remember,

I needed to give him the chance to help me.

So I went home that night and kept thinking: he was my partner, I wasn’t treating him like one.

Ya’ll, you talk to a partner. So I did. I told him I needed help. He asked me if we could split the responsibility. I agreed - THAT IS CALLED partner communication, ya’ll.

Maybe it’s doing dishes, Maybe it’s taking out the trash, Maybe it’s getting groceries, but I KNOW there is some area in life where you’re thinking (just like I sometimes think), “I shouldn’t be the one to do that, and he should just know to do that.”

Sister, what? He should KNOW to do that? No. No. No… if you haven’t discussed it, set up responsibilities, or asked for help, then that thought pattern is setting yourself up for division and distance.

It is based on your pride and ego, and actually says “I don’t want to do it, so you need to do it”, without ever even saying that out loud to him.

Put your pride down. Take your hat out of the ring. Let that white flag of surrender fly. Stop yourself before your wreck yourself, and realize that NOTHING good will happen in the actions you take around the house, the thoughts you have about your husband, or the words that you speak to him (because a tone is a thing, even if you don’t think you have one from time to time), nothing good will happen unless you have a humble heart.

The conversation with Alan I had has gone many different ways, but this one was one for the books because before I even spoke, my heart was humbled and thankful for the fact that I got to be a helpmate to my favorite person in the world. I got to help him in a way that blessed his life deeply. I got to serve with my skills, and I got to receive the blessed reminder that he is here to help me too, if I would just ask for help.

Sisters, I got two things for you to remember from all of this:

1- Ask for help

Stop playing mind games with yourself or him, and say out loud what you need.

we have no right to trap our men into a mind battle we’re playing - that they should anticipate needs, notice things, and take care of housework exactly like we may. Ask, girl, just ask. Even if it’s like when I out loud asked alan to thank me for cleaning, because I needed to hear the words thank you, not just - it looks great! Which definitely was a sweet compliment but not exactly what my servant heart needed to hear! (Ennegram 2’s anyone?)

2- Humble your heart

When you feel your husband has hurt you because he didn’t anticipate the way you hoped he would, look in the mirror and shoo that ego away. You’re not perfect and he’s not either. We’re to be a blessing to each other and to guide each other towards heaven, towards Christ, and towards holiness. Please do speak with your husband about the hurt you’ve felt, but only do it after you’ve had a hot minute to breathe, rest, and humble yourself - you aren’t a mind reader and neither is he, and we are meant to help each other, work together, and cover the other under our wings.

Girl, you’ve got this. Make this week a beautiful week of serving from a humble heart, working as a team, and communicating clearly with your partner.

Episode 1: Reset The Expectations You Have For Yourself (There's Not One Right Way To Wife)

Welcome!

This LIVE Show & Podcast is right for you if:

- if you're newly married
- if you want to grow in your marriage relationship
- if you want to keep Jesus at the center of your marriage
- if you want to grow in holiness with your spouse
- if you're not sure how to handle the upcoming holidays with two families
- if you're figuring out who takes out the trash
- if you're finding you aren't a fan of conflict when you can't leave the house after the argument
- if you feel like you aren't a good wife
- if you feel like he's not a good husband
- if you feel distant
- and so so so many more, ya'll let's be honest, if you're married, this is probably for you :)

To explain why we’re doing this, let me tell you a story. For every wedding, we arrive before they have their First Look or First Prayer, so that we can pray over the bride and groom individually. Honestly, THAT is the most important part of the wedding day for us because we are able to intimately impact their marriage.

We pray over him and say, “Dear Jesus, we ask that you lead this man and guide him to grow into the leader of his family as he leans on you. When he sees her today, Lord, we ask that he see you, and that he know LOVE, deep LOVE fully and truly is in her because it comes from you.”

We pray over her and say, “Dear Jesus, we ask that you lead this gal and guide her to grow into the helpmate and equal to her groom. We ask that you guide her and help her to lean on you as she leans on her groom. When she sees him today, Lord, we ask that she see you, and that she know LOVE, deep LOVE fully and truly is in him because it comes from you.”

My heart is in love with weddings because it’s in love with couples pursuing Christ. On wedding days, I stand behind the camera but I stand beside the couple as they make their covenant. Every day past their wedding, those prayers begin to be answered, and I want to be with you to continue to pray, and continue to guide, and continue to stand beside.

Episode 1 - Reset Your Expectations

Let’s GO!

On today's episode, Sinikka talks about the expectations we have of ourselves when we first get married. Challenge yourself to uproot those expectations and preferences of how you should "wife" or "husband", and focus on how Jesus wants you to show up for your marriage.

Now, let’s talk about you. After you said your I Do, how were you? On both Instagram and Facebook, you told me exactly how you were doing. We walked through how you said you were doing:

  • Married & it’s Magic

  • Married & it’s Messy

  • Married & it’s Manic

  • Married & it’s MEH

We walked through what you told me you experienced after you got married:

  • You started treating your spouse differently

  • You changed your entire routine in order to fit into theirs

  • You expected a heck of a lot of things from yourselves

  • You expected a heck of a lot of things from your spouse

Let’s talk - what exactly did you expect from yourself, ladies? I KNOW it was a whole lot, and I can relate. Let me tell you a story. When I was little, my mom always had dinner on the table by 5pm, it was a staple in our family and a consistent routine our day wrapped itself around. When I was little, my dad always wanted us to be somewhere in or around our home. He loved having quantities of time together and it made for great memories singing in the living room or having bonfires in the backyard.

While my parents are incredible, exceptional people, I expected myself to “wife” exactly like my mother did, and I expected my husband to “husband” like my father did, but ya’ll, I’m not my mother and he’s not my father. My life does not allow for 5pm dinnertimes with home-cooked meals, and my schedule did not allow me oodles of time at home for a season because I was creating a photography career of the side of my full-time job.

So here’s my questions to you:

What lies have been planted in your heart that you need to uproot?

What expectations do you have of yourself that are not rooted in Christ?

What pre-marriage relational experience and knowledge are you bringing into marriage? (Is it all helpful?)

I ask because those are lies, sis. Those are preferences your heart has and I know it’s not what Jesus has expected of you. Now here’s what Jesus expects of you in your marriage relationship - He expects you to both be faithful, open, and able to grow.

Jesus does not expect perfection, or dinner on the table at 5pm. This is not a SHAME game. There is NO guilt here. The way you “wife” won’t look exactly like how others do, because you’re not like everyone else.

So, reset your expectations, you’re not your mother and he is not your father., and girl, you’ve got this. Get out there and hug your husband. Thank Jesus for him and let him hear you say, “Forever, I Choose You.”